That Chi Town Chic

Age 36
Style- Fly as Hell
Profession –Sugar Daddy Bait

I woke up with that feeling “something good is popping off today” got up brushed my teeth and ran a rag over the dome. Being a morning person, I was way extra on this day. Perhaps because all of the auctions were in town and I would not be driving all over the creation.

I hate traffic with a passion, it was the beginning of fall and it was cool enough to ride with the sunroof open, which I love!

Feeling a little grumble in the middle space I stopped at a Waffle House close to the first auction. There were a few other bidders with the same grumble. I acknowledge them and sat at my table.

I was one of the first (if not the first) on the auction trail to spend the money on a Verizon Air card, gave me fairly decent internet access in most places around town. I had just sold an antique bedroom set on eBay and the bidder paid instantly things were looking up!

Nothing like starting the day with a fresh money, so I splurged on the All Star with the pecans. Checked a few more emails and shut it down. I had over $ 3900.00 in PayPal and $4000.00 on me and all of the storage spots accepted credit cards…most in town do not.

I was loaded for bear that day.

Quickly looked at my watch and rolled out, time was slipping away and if you were late you could not bid. I threw my money on the table and grabbed my stuff and rose up, as I was putting my seat beat on I saw the other bidders rushing to their cars.

We all arrived at the same time with 5 minutes to spare, there were only nine people at this auction, and it was looking good for the kid. There were 22 units advertised and they still had 15, my palms started sweating, the air was just right!

I was the last to sign in and we were behind the gate, The first unit was not that far away, there is a certain anticipation when you are at the door, are you going to see trash or treasure?

It is part of the fun!

The door rolled up and it looked like a cabinetry shop, table saws, drills, crown molding, wood and it was packed looked to be a 10 x 20 maybe larger. I walked away; my customer base did not like stuff like that. The bidding started at $750 and quickly ended at $1650.00

The next three units were somewhat uneventful, went for less than a $100.00 each. I just knew that something awesome was there, to this day I cannot tell you why I felt like this, it happens to me a lot, keeping the faith I walked with the crowd.

The fourth unit was part of one of a two-fer. I looked at my ad and there were no units in the name of the same person. The manager solved my conundrum, one was in the daughters name and the other unit was in her mother’s name, but both belonged together.

With that the door was opened and it was my type of unit!

Loaded with home accent pieced, clothing and furniture, I hit it at $500.00 I knew it was a 10 x 25 and we were off, $600, $700, $800, $1000 and I rammed it to $1330.00 going once, going twice sold!

I knew it was a damn good unit (how good would come later) I placed my disk lock on it and caught up with the crowd. They did not do the other unit right after my first one. We looked at 3 more before getting to the second one (I bought all three, clothing units I got really cheap) .

We got to part two of my deal and it was a 10 x 15 stacked, I started the bidding off at $250.00 and of course they were not going to be easy on me, the second part end of cost me $1000.00 they knew I had to have it, so they all went in.

Normally that unit would have cost $500.00 max. I placed my lock on it and decided that no one was getting anything cheap the rest of the day. The next units were nothing I wanted, yet I bid on them hard just to return some favors.

So I am five units up at the first spot! Logistics start to come into play at this point, we had 8 more locations to view merchandise for today. I ended up buying 12 units that day, but we are going to talk about that Chi Town Chic!

I did not go to auctions the next day, we start loading at 6AM we got 8 out of the 12 units loaded before 4PM good stuff was coming out of the boxes left and right, I was feeling the love from the storage auction Gods! I was also glad I rented another truck or we would have been only half way done!

(Sometimes when you have a lot of units to clean out two or three trucks and extra hands is the way to go)

Around 6PM we were at the first spot where I got the two-fer. I knew this was going to be a lot of stuff and light would be fading fast so we got to it. We got the big one first, it looked better the second time around!

The first 10 feet were boxes of clothing and accent items, great stuff, and women’s stuff a wardrobe box broke open and spilled out at least 30 leather jackets ( women with a lot of leather jackets usually have a lot of really nice shoes!) she did not disappoint this stuff was niiiiiiiiiicccccccccceeeeeeee!

It kept getting better and better! That Chi Town chic was absolutely fine and gorgeous based on her pictures of herself in the unit! (Pretty girls for some reason often have a lot of photos of their selves in their units) She was definitely a top shelf chic, leather boots filled up two wardrobe boxes ( she wore a size 8.5-9 which right smack in the middle of my customer base)

Oh did she have killer style! Ms lady was an size 8-10 and baby girl was stacked. I noticed all the men she was with were …er…mature. This pattern would repeat itself box by box. She was well traveled, photos from all over the world. …yes with grandpa or chester the molester.

After getting excited over the nice clothes, the furniture gave me a second rush; she had the best of the best. A beautiful dining room set, seated 10, complete with a tall china cabinet! Most table sets that you will get out of storage units will seat 6, if you are lucky.

Nice vintage crystal pieces filled several boxes (more than likely her moms) I do not think they lived together since there were no mature lady clothing ( shoot maybe mom was hot too)

Before we were halfway thru with the first unit $10,000+ popped in my head (I was wrong we did $15K off her stuff) Out of all her nice stuff the back-story was the most interesting.

That Chi Town Chick was sugar daddy bait. The reason I am certain of this is there were no W-2s in the unit; however there were plenty of old bank states all with regular deposits in the $2000-$8000.00 a month range going back several years.

Also a stack of self employment tax forms and no one work ID, but when you are beautiful you do not have to work?

Right?

She also had plenty of mutual funds statements one had a balance of $300,000! Why she lost her units is beyond me, she seemed to have plenty of loot!

Now to the dirt!

The letters! She had all types of men who were willing to pay for her time. Each one, old, grey and apparently in poor health (judging by the pictures) just a squeezing on her young and tender flesh.

She had three main sugar daddies, if there is such a thing. An old Jewish guy, a retired GM ex and some poor slob that worked a whole lot of overtime to feel on those boobies! ( hell to the naaaaaw man!)

She had been at this awhile (who writes letters these days?) They all love her, it was a joy just to get a little bit of her loving ( I wanna puke! Thinking about it) These lonely desperate souls!

Why do we as men lose out minds and money over a pretty face?

I think the Jewish guy was the most interesting, he sent her love/mentoring letters. I think the world of you and oh by the way this is how you read a P&L, yeah, he was that type of dude.

He was also the most prolific, sugar daddy number two was a boring fuck, he NEEDED money to get laid. His letters put me to sleep, uninspired and no passion, did he fuck by the numbers 1, 2, 3-1,2,3-1,2,3 I should have kept those letter and sold them as sleep aids.

Sugar daddy number three was a hard working union man that got tons of overtime, it took him a lot to get to those panties, oddly enough he seem to be her favorite ( he was local, the other two were not) they did a lot of stuff together.

Maybe he was laying the pipe right and paying the piper, stranger shit has happened. Remember Fredrick Douglas Damn this chick had the life!

This sad episode in my storage auction career occurred in the middle of year two that I was in the business. I met “Sam” one day when I was looking for a store front. We were paying a lot of booth rent and it was time for a change. Either you are growing or dying, there really is no way around this in life.

On that warm afternoon I first met the devil, he was affable and humble – read desperate. Sam was from Armenia, 6’ 2 with a thick accent, round horn rimmed glasses, a shock of white/grey hair (think Heat Miser) with Oscar the Grouch eyebrows that got bushier every time I saw him. He had that nutty professor look and a hint of smile (later learned he was a daily drinker) initially I was deceived by his charm and Bible toting ways. We all were.

I swear more evil people adroitly handle the Bible than innocent folks; this dude had more skeletons than a Catholic priest.

At the time he was renting space from two women that partnered up on a small collectible store. Sam made bookcases and was quite adept in woodworking. He made a quality product and the price was nice.  He did have some positive traits as fleeting as they were.

He just was not selling enough book cases, he needed more space and that was an issue. He did not have the funds at the time to rent the space I looked over the day that I met him.

We hit it off and I thought at the time he was a likable guy (note I know he was Russian but his ass behaved like a Nazi!) I went to find the property manager to inquire on what kind of deal we could get on the space.

(She is a story within herself) the landlord had a store at the end of the plaza, in fact she had several stores in the plaza one spot would have been perfect for us but the landlord said she would keep it the way it was. Later on this would become a huge point of contention….keep reading. Burned my buttons man!

I mulled it over with my partner, at the time we had over 15 booths in a local Flea Market and I was thinking we might as well get our own spot. The flea market was great; however there were a few issues that kept irking me, access, days of operation and folks stealing my customers.

I drove most of our traffic to the spot via a lot of marketing and poaching our customers was the game of the day at the flea market. I spent a great deal of time drumming up business and it was pissing me off in a wet way that I was being taken left and right. Marketing is not easy and having your respondent’s money go to other folks pockets was enough to make you want to slap someone!

We went back and forth with the landlord over the rent and we finally got it to where it was less than the booth rent. During the time I fell into a brain cramp coma (I really thought we would transition all of that stuff in a month) when I woke up 6 MONTHS later from my optimism induced comma, we had finally moved out of the flea market.  I keep buying and since we had more space I got more stuff! We were very busy during the transition, I learned how not to move a store on 101!

I really enjoyed the having both places for a hot second, but it proved to be a logistical nightmare and since we were in the store more than the flea market our shrinkage jumped 38%!  If you are selling retail you are going to have losses, it is just part of the game. There is no telling how much money we lost!

Between buying units, loading units, selling on eBay, selling on craigslist and working 16 hours a day things fell through the cracks. One of those evil things was Sam, he never liked the fact that we moved in and got our own space before he did. I kinda felt the hate, but I chalked it up to be stressed…he was a really nice guy right?

We moved in and started making money immediately and Sam took note of every customer and was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy too interested in our business model. One day I am coming in with a load and I notice Sam is in the spot that I originally wanted!

He had half the damn space full of book cases and new furniture!

I sat in my truck for a moment stunned, I don’t remember how I got to the landlord’s store I was in her face asking what the deal-lee-o was. She looked at me really calmly and said she changed her mind.

I know I am black but she could see me turning several shades of red, I begged and pleaded with this woman for that spot, it was bigger and wide open.  Her cool demeanor warmed up and she started stammering. I was paying this old heffer serous loot every month!

She said he kept asking, so did I! Hmmm did he slap her upside the head with his dick, Lord knows it had been a few decades since she seen one (this would not be beyond him, more on that later) as I walked back to my truck he was just smiling.

I called my partner and she was like WTF!!! It was downhill after that. Everything we would do, he would do, we put stuff outside and he would put stuff outside. It got downright juvenile. Sam was very territorial; we all had three parking spots in front of our store fronts, which is where I put the furniture and other attention drawing items.

One day Sam got a wild hair up his ass, he came out with tape measure and some paper. He looked like a mad scientist, walking and speaking under his breath.  He measured his store front and the side walk.  Up and down, then he measure out store front.  Then he went down the plaza measuring each spot. After a good hour of this nonsense he comes over to me,  I was with a customer that just brought a bedroom set. Sometimes his rudeness knew no limits, Sam was a true case of Dr Jekyll Mr. Hyde.

“I am not happy!”  I shot him a cold look and raise my hand and said “ In a minute fool, go get a cookie” I took the ladies money and made a call to have her items delivered she was looking at him and I was looking at him ( he was a little tipsy) she took her receipt and  thanked me  quickly heading to her car ( she was pretty and he was undressing her, stitch by stitch  she knew it I knew it and he did not give a damn) after she drove off, he waved  to her. The  balls on this mofo were the size of NBA regulation basketballs.

He quickly turned to me (Mr. Hyde was back) “I am not happy, you are using one of my parking spaces” I laughed at him and walked off, later on the landlord comes down and says it is true (I never ever wanted to hit a elderly woman, but my hand was twitching like I had the DTs) my partner looked at me and I looked at her and we shook out heads.

We were not long for that world…..the next day I started looking for another spot. He was tripping and I was truly salty about not getting that larger spot. I would have kept the first one and rented the bigger space, more space more money all of the way around for all involved, I just did not get it why she let him move in and not us in that shop, oh well some things will always remained a mystery.

However before we left, all types of madness ensued! Thus, the emergence of the parking lot war! This fool would get there early and fill up all of the spots, totally crowding the line to our newly reduced outdoor display area.  He made a habit of sitting outside like some drunken sentry, he truly though he had a fiefdom!

Things got so bad between us,  that Code Enforcement Officer came over and told all of us no one could put anything outside! I smiled and began putting the stuff back in our store; we did quite a bit of marketing so the impact would be minimal.

Sam began to bicker with the Code Enforcement Officer and she was about to give him a ticket and he just stopped yelling in mid sentence and walked off (he was unpredictable like that) word to the wise Code Enforcement Officers have a lot of power and some even carry weapons!

The next day the fool developed a new wrinkle in his sheet of evil, a lady that saw a bedroom set on Craigslist just came by, some call, some just show up, you never know when you post the address. I was outside taking to the mechanic dude next door.

“Excuse me is this place with the bedroom set I saw online?” Sam grabbed her hand, with both of his hands , shook her hands hard and said “I have what you need!”  She looked very uncomfortable; scared may be a better word.

As he was escorting her in his store, she saw the set in our window, quickly disengaging herself (he was still holding her hand) from him she came over to me shooting him a look. “What is with that guy?” she asked “Oh he is an asshole that is his problem” I said loud enough for him to take it in. She pulled herself together, looked art me and whispered “I agree” I gave the poor lady a deal because he spooked her a little.

In a fit of disgust and total contempt I parked in “the” parking spot the very next day, fools left unattended grow even more foolishness, I term it the fool weed syndrome, if you don’t clip the weed it will choke you out!  I knew it would piss him off, Humpty (  Ford E 250) was blocking a very large percentage of his shop window. You want to steal my customers I am going to try to block yours!

He comes out of his store screaming like a manic “Move your van! Now! ” I walked off , the parking lot is now for parking, screw him. Moments later a DeKalb Police Officer is pulling in the parking lot with lights on, a second later another cop pulls in the plaza, in minutes there were two officers looking for me!

This ass wipe called the cops! I go out to talk to them; the tall guy looks at me “are you Glendon Cameron?”   His hand on his gun and the second cop took a defensive posture, also placing his hand to his sidearm.  “Yes I am, what this is about?” at this juncture Sam has come out and is watching. Looking crazier than usual “We got a call about an assault” my ears were ringing “Assault? Who? Where” I am asking over and over  “I did not lay a hand on anyone!”

Now Sam is bold, he comes over “He parked in front of my store!” Both cops look at Sam with oh we have driven up on some bullshit etched over their faces. The tall cop was not happy “Sir we were called about an assault did you make that call?” he was looking more and more pissed and all the attention was on Sam.  Happy visions of them arresting his dumbass danced in my head.

Fool was way smarter than I wanted to give him credit for, his accent thickened, verb subject agreement went out of the window. Suddenly he reached levels of communication difficulty never witness before.  “ah, yes I called he is tres-pausing on my property, his van there, wrong place, he move need”   this mofo has become Yoda! My eyes are rolling, the cop is clearly pissed and this mofo is about to get away with some foul ish!

The cop calms down (DAMN!) and explains there was no crime and I could park anywhere on the property since I was also a tenant. “He big guy, want no trouble” I swear and walk back in the store. The police leave but I come in, way in to a whole new way of thinking..

It’s on!

After that day I went from reacting to contriving, from listening to asking and oh the dirt that I dug up on this mofo, he had to be dealt with.  One lady accused him of grabbing her breast (why she did not press charges I do not know) he was cheating on his wife and he had a married woman “backing” him financially nope her husband did not know until I told him! More than likely he was boning her also, Sam got around. A foreign accent will open many legs believe that!

Second nail in his coffin was that he did not have a business license. My partner wrote a scathing letter to DeKalb County letting them know, Code Enforcement Officer came, gave him a ticket and told him to shut it down.

Do you think this stopped Sam? Of course not, he would wait until after 4PM and the weekends, when the Code Enforcement Office was off. One day I saw the cop that answered his bogus call and told him the deal (Yep! I was snitch believe that!) When he called the man on me it was over!  I have never had the level of hate for another human being as I did for this guy!

Officer friendly came by on a Saturday and saw that he was indeed open without a license.

It was an absolutely beautiful scene to witness, the same Office that wanted to haul me away for assault was yelling at Sam “SHUT IT DOWN NOW OR I WILL ARREST YOUR ASS!!!”

Sam just wanted to cry, there was a lady there with cash in her hand for a bedroom set. Looking like what the hell did I walk into? The cop was not playing; there was no way for him to wiggle out of this tight situation he now found himself in. The lady was getting ready to leave.

I went over and asked her what she needed. She had just moved in a new house and needed furniture for the whole place. “I sell used stuff but your dollar will go far with me “she shrugged “Show me what you got” As soon as she got to our window “Ooooooo your stuff is nice!”  She cooed!

I turned to Sam and smiled like the ass I was, let me check hmmm…. do I feel guilty? Nope! Not even now!  He deserved every bit of the humiliation he was experiencing. Sam was locking up his place, the officer was in his car watching Sam like the con he was!  (I sold her $1800.00 worth of stuff; it was one of the sweetest sales of my life! CHA-CHING!!!! )

Put the Cops on Sam fifty five cents in gas. Sold two bedroom sets, dining room set, leather sofa set, and gads of accessories $1800.00 The look on Sam’s face as he watched the lady load her SUV PRICELESS!!!

We moved the next week, it got back to us a few months later that Sam also moved, his evil butt  was up to his drunken eyeballs in trouble. He was fined for operating a business with no license and he lost a lot of money while he was closed.

My partner wrote letters to everyone she could think of! This is why they threw the book at him, due to my partner’s letter writing campaign they made an example of him.

Now the sweet part, he grabbed the wrong woman, she called the cops, he was charged, convicted and deported!  The judge told him someone with copious disregard for the law did not deserved to be in the country! Never pissed off someone from the Bronx!

I love a happy ending!

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More people than you think work on their cars in storage units, I have bought units with BMWs in them and I have seen units with Bentleys tucked away from   prying eyes. There is a lot that goes on in that world. The biggest thing I have actually seen in a unit was a fire truck. It was beautiful!

Storage units can be modified to be fully outfitted shops complete with air compressors and pneumatic tools, transmission and engine lifts, the works son; it can be classified as amazing what you will find in storage unit auctions.

Many of these shade tree mechanics leave in those units some really pricey tools; you could say there is passion in this hobby that goes deep. Clear down to the bone, deep enough for a guy to drop 12 gs on some tools and a big red chest to store his shiny tools.

Happens a lot…

This is a case of where I screwed up! The property manager and district manager did not look at this unit that well. There was a tuned Honda Civic in the unit under the bags of clothes and other stuff. The unit was crammed from the Root to the toota.

There were boxes stacked on side to the ceiling and a strange collection of garbage bags stacked in the middle. The bag were fully of pollen, you could tell this stuff was not disturbed since it was placed in the unit.

“Car” was  the first thing that came to my mind, when I saw the ‘lie” of the bags, after a while you can guess fairly accurately what is under some bags. I quickly surveyed my competition at the auction.

Pa Clampett was there, we all are looking and I see the outlines of the car, before I could make a move a newbie moves a bag. I knew this was not going to turn out good. Stuff starts falling and it doesn’t reveal the car, but dumbass was given and inch, he took a yard and moved some more bags, before the manager could shut him down. You are not suppose to touch anything….but it does happen.

“Hey there is a car in there!” dumbass screamed like a dude getting some for the first time. In my mind I am Florida Evans DAMN  DAMN DAMN!!! If I had just started bidding and knocked my touchy feely out, just maybe…..

To understand my frustration, tuner cars are hot and often expensive to modify, I have seen engines priced between $15-75,000 there is no telling how much that engine was worth.  Suspension, hardware there is a lot that goes in the tuner cars.

What is a tuner car you ask?- if you saw the movie  2 FAST 2 FURIOUS you saw a lot of tuner cars. This one was blue sitting on 17s brand new rims and  tires, this little ride was clean!

He had the Nitris tanks and really well made seats. It was clear this guy put a lot of money in this car. The sound systems I know was worth a g. However since Mr. New Stuff let the car out of the bag, the manager pulled the unit!

Cars can be very tricky to sell, nine times out of ten there is a lien on the car, which mean the lien holder has first rights to the car…if they can find it.

I am not saying I did this….

However I know a of a guy…well I heard of a guy, yeah that it it, that did this,  if you find yourself in a situation where you get a car out of a unit and no one knows you got the car out of the unit. In reality it was never in that unit if you feel my drift.

Say you know a guy with a shop and that guy you heard of knows how to “chop” a car up and part it out. Understand stolen and having a lien on it are two different things. If it is stolen it could get very dicey on a legal tip.

Now if you “honestly” do not know if there a lien on the car and you in good faith part it out, if would be pretty damn hard to pin anything on you. I would not know anything about that, I just heard some thangs. You dig?

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The A is full of folks with big dreams and tons of ambition, some of these people with stars in their eyes will do what ever it takes to make the magic happen.

Even illegal shit!

One of the interesting things that you find out by buying storage units at auction is the depths that man will go to make a W-A-S ( wild ass scheme) come to fruition. It will make you just laugh your ass off. Some of the strange shit I have seen still blows my mind.

I have bought so many units where people have committed mortgage fraud to get a crib to the rank and file id thief (there are tons of these guys) Human nature is a wicked beast at its worst leading folks to achieve those means by any source possible.

This brings us to Mr. Bootleg

This brotha was in it to win it, then the rent was due, car note and that chic with the kids that looked like him, she was not playing. Cleary dude’s choice in career and women were …..somewhat lacking!

During the end of my first year in the business, I got my introduction to the world of bootleg processing and distribution. I almost did not go out, it was a cold day and I really just wanted to stay in the bed all day, some days are like that. But I willed myself to get up, go out and get something.

I got his unit in East Point GA for a sum of $350.00, it was an okay looking 10 x20 but someone had gone through it. The stuff was tossed all over the place. But I saw a least a grand in name brand clothing and some old Jordans (Old Jordans – $$$$$) the stuff was clean, and it looked to be 70% full, not much of a risk. His rapper apparel sold for $2200 over two months on eBay

I know this because many people put their bills in the unit, (he was one) the old out of sight out of mind theory? Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean the bill fairy will not be looking for your ass!

Enough fragments of his life story were in there to piece together his tale of crime and punishment Dostoevsky would have been proud! It seems all wanna be rappers keep journals (aka notebooks from the Dollar Store)

He worked hard, he did all the right things,( if you call making horrible music right) and so he had to do what he had to do! It is amazing how folks can justify illegal stuff to make a wrong oh so right.

He had all of the equipment to record, mix and press his own music. I never knew how much recording equipment cost until I got his unit. He also had the dvd duplication stuff, label maker, graphic software and a old imac ( his graphics were tight, maybe he should have kept it there) printers and three desktops. With a sprinkle of peripherals

Cha-Ching!

His stuff was gone within an hour of putting it on CL. I mean paid and picked up! One girl bought half of his stuff; she had the B-girl look from backed in the day and walked like she had some stuffin in cushion. A cute girl with loot that has my name on it always makes my day!

Hopefully her flow and hooks are more captivating than Mr Bootleg, I listened for a four seconds and it was a no, American Idol will never be calling this cat, but a dude named Lester may have him as his bitch at the moment. The reason his stuff went up for auction was he was in the pokey for larceny.

His stuff/music was in the can, garbage can that is, I thought it was terrible (there were several hundred copies of his cd in the unit) he was a hopeful sort that just knew he was going to be the next Diddy or Hova, alas he was not even on the same continent with those guys.

Once he realized that is music career was in the slow lane to nowhere, he adopted a new business strategy. He was accustomed to slangin that music (he was kinda of scary lookin aka DJ Boogerwolf) so I think the few copies he sold were due to sympathy or perhaps fear. After dismal record sales and little hopes of securing money for a tour, he hatched this plane to be the bootleg king of the south.

With a new found enthusiasm he became Bootlegger extraordinaire perhaps you have seen his work on your own dvd player. Yes, the ones with the people walking across the screen. He dig in with gusto, kept records of his sales and costs, dude was making $1900 a week, he was the wholesaler, he just copied, press and distributed the bootlegs, actually forward thinking compared to how he tried to move his music.

For strange reason he decide to rip someone off and he got caught, thus putting him out of business. I am really surprised he had no one to bail him out, doesn’t everyone love the bootleg man?

So next time you see that guy in the parking lot or he comes up to you in the salon, just know you may be getting a first rate dup from Mr. Bootleg!

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I got the picture here

I am often asked where are the best places to go for the really good stuff at storage unit auctions. Honestly I cannot tell you. I have gotten great units in bad neighborhoods and crap from the rich side of town plus the converse is true, you can get a killer unit in a rich neighborhood….however expect a crowd!

You just have to go to the auctions and see what is up, there is no magic formula for finding the good rooms. The magic is in knowing what you are bidding on. Everything sells it is a matter of price!

I got the love of my life in a regular neighborhood on a regular fall day with about twenty people at the auction. The selling season was in full swing and everyone needed inventory.

This spot had over 30 units going for auction I brought the truck, two stacks and had some Mexicans on stand by. I was buying no matter the cost the place was even close to my bank if I need more loot. So I was locked and loaded.

I bought the first eight units and the folks were bitching and whining, this was a business not a popularity contest. After that the units fell off and went from okay to downright junky, then the people started rushing in to pay off they units, ( they only sold 22) I was glad I pulled the trigger early!

The next to the last unit was just a bunch of boxes, no one was interested, I bid $25.00 I had to comeback anyway. No one else bid and I locked it down.

It was funny how this was the last unit we loaded and it paid for all nine units and made a hugh profit! I actually put the boxes to the side and worked on the furniture which was selling like crack!

Oh how I remember the day that I saw her! She was fine! Perfectly proportioned, dimpled face, bee stung red lips and dark brown hair, so dark you would think it was black. I think it was love at first sight…..once I saw what the bidding was up to in the morning!

I know you are saying what the hell?

I got a box of authentic and mint condition number one thru three Barbies dolls by Mattel! With a ton of Barbie clothing! Roman Holiday and Easter Parade the rarest of all Barbie outfits!

Being new to the auction world of ebay, I took a ton of pictures and put all of the items up as a bulk lot. There must have been over 30 images in that auction, really clear and crisp! See my book on how to make your auction pop!

This was a crash course in real collectibles, the Barbie community is huge! I really the first email I got vividly “ I will give you $750.00 for everything you have!” I was like WHOA Baby, this stuff was only $25.00 as my pudgy little fingers start to type a reply. I remember the first time someone may me an offer on eBay and I took it. I lost over $300.00 on that so called offer.

I withdrew my fingers from the keyboard and thought about it, if this person is offering this much for this stuff it has got to be worth at least double if not three times as much.
I politely told the lady I was going to let the auction ride.

Note- 9 times out of 10 if you accept an offer on eBay for an item you have up for auction you are going to lose money! The only exception to this is if you have a BIN and you priced it right, so even with an offer you are making what you want to make on that item!

Later on that day I got an offer for $1500.00 so I knew I was right about the price, so I decided to just wait and see the auction was set for seven days and we were at $1850.00 on the first day!

The offers kept coming, (I think they thought I was an idiot) the Roman Holiday outfit alone was bringing $1850-2200.00 on eBay at the time! I could barely contain my enthusiasm!

Each day like a crack head I watched the bidding climb and climb on day four it stalled at $4300.00 and stayed there until Sunday just with five minutes left to go in the auction.

On eBay you have ballers and chippers, the chippers put in dollar bids and keep inching the bid up ( they are deathly afraid of paying to much) whereas the ballers just swing for the fences hundred dollar bids or even a thousand.

If you never felt the excitement of watching an item you got at a auction for peanuts being bid up by the thousands you have missed something exciting, it is like an orgasm you get to feel and spend!

With 1:30 left on the auction the bidding stalled again at $5445.00 I was giddy with excitement! I was good yo!

But if you know eBay, it ain’t over until it is over! At the :45 second mark a baller popped it for $5200.00 I almost wet my pants! At the last second the lady who offered $750 for all of this pristine and lovely Barbie collection won the auction for $8850.00!

Do you think she was trying to stick me for my paper? She paid in seconds as a courtesy I set it overnight, why not she paid for it!

Get my book here!

If the title did not get you, then you were not paying attention! I bought a unit for $1 at auction and within 6 months turned that dollar into just a little over $62,000.00 how did this happen?

I know you want to know!

Well the short version is !

I went to a storage unit auction and I found this stuff in a safe!

See short and Sweet!

You can get my book on Amazon!

My first physical spot other than the garage to sell my storage unit auctions finds was at a local flea market in downtown Lithonia.  It was quite surprising to find out how fast we moved stuff in the flea market in June 2003. I remember it was a Thursday morning when I rented a booth, loaded it up with furniture and priced everything.

Being one to maximize all my options I knew that having a place to sell the larger stuff other than the garage would be to my a nod towards my financial health. I needed someplace with space that was economically in my ball park. Just because you have high rent does not meant that you are going to sell a lot of stuff. I have been done that road before.

This was an inside flea market that would sell items for you when you giving you that absentee business owner groove. I came back the next day and all of the items were sold and I had over $300.00 dollars waiting for me up front! Can you say I was in love?

I quickly off loaded all of the stuff I had in the van and priced it! This was looking to be a very good lick. Over the next six weeks I was moving and grooving I was selling stuff just as fast as I was putting in the booth. I moved to two booths, and then three after a few months I was up to fifteen booths….those were the days!!!!

During the first days of being in the flea market I did everything myself, from buying the units to delivering the furniture. I really did not like making the deliveries, there was always too much going on, often the room still had stuff in it or the path to the room has things in the way.

Not to mention people are cheap, if you sold the furniture to them, the delivery should be free. When starting a business you do what you have to do to make it grow. I ate a lot of delivery fees in the beginning.

This delivery was a little different, I sold a bedroom set I got out of a storage unit on Craigslist sight unseen, the lady was very cut and dried. She said if it looks as good as it does on the picture just bring it and I will pay you cash on delivery. No haggling or nothing.

Initially I was somewhat reluctant to make the delivery but she sounded sincere. So we agreed on a time early in the morning the next day. I loaded the van that evening so I could get on the road first thing Atlanta traffic can be a trip!

She lived close to Emory and was not too far from the flea market, I made it to her house really quick! I went to ring the doorbell and I heard the “moaning”  “oh baby, oh baby” she was getting here freak on!

Being the guy that I am, I went back to the van and chilled for fifteen minutes. She sounded “close” I was also about twenty minutes early.

After a while I did not know how long, I just went with the flow, I went back to the house. She was coming to the door and letting dude out. They both look very composed like they had been playing UNO or something.

She was a really cute girl with long black hair, angelic face, bright red toes and a mouth on her, she was very brash, kinda turned me on!

To be so little, I doubt that she was five feet tall, but perfectly proportioned. Very sexy!

I asked her where she wanted the furniture and she took me to her spare bedroom. Which thank God was empty, I went back to the van. With a quick move I backed the van up, as close to the front door as possible.

The dresser was the heaviest piece to move, I was able to slide the dresser out of the van onto the front stoop after that it was cake, I flipped the dresser onto the float and rolled it to the bedroom.

The rest was easy, she did not want the bed set up, she was thinking of switching out her furniture for the new stuff, had not quite decided.

In parting she asked me it I heard “them” I scratched my head and said  “no I did not hear y’all but I did hear you” She turned a shaded of red close to the color on her toes and kept mouthing  “OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG as she shut the door. You never know what you may she or hear during a delivery!

On a clear summer day, that was cooler than normal for Georgia, I decided to head west. There were a ton of auctions all over the place and I figured that I would work my way back to the house to avoid the Atlanta traffic. The better properties were close to the house and their auction started later in the day.

File this under the unusual and strange, I got this unit in tha piiont ( East Point) it was crazy cheap because it was a disaster that happened long ago. When I first started in the business I had these insatiable curiosities that lead me to buy some of the most jacked up units on the planet.

I got most for one to five dollars, really could not lose. But the work involved was like whoa! Stuff everywhere, not in boxes I was truly delirious to buy such junk! Drunk on the high of getting new units, what is amazing is how well many of those tacky unit turned out.

As soon as the door went up everyone walked away, it was a little funky and in a complete state of disarray. Clothes were all over the place and it looked like some paint had spilled in the corner. On top of the paint were several crushed boxes (the boxes contained very nice clothing) and some large stuff animals, the bear was missing an eye.

Just had my name all over it! I bid one whole juicy dollar on it! Everyone started laughing, I did not care I got me a unit! (I was green as hell back then) I put my lock on it and joined up with the rest of the herd. Smiling like an idiot with a brand new toy!

Nothing else struck my fancy at that property, I paid and started going through my new found treasure! The funk was coming from the laundry hamper, why people store funky clothes and let then marinate for months is beyond me. Did I say it was summer, those clothes were humming!

The clothing in the boxes was all new and brand names stuff and I sold them to a lady in the flea market for $100.00. Little did I know what I could have made off that stuff, but like I said I was a neophyte. It was a fifty- fifty unit, I kept half and I tossed half. Kept the smell good for my self, I was the best smelling dude on the auction trail!

Once I got past the first three feet it was better than okay, I found a barrel, just like you see in the eatery Cracker Barrel full of Juicy Fruit, I had gum for months! A Gucci leather barrel bag (went for $125.00 on eBay) a pair of old Air Jordan size 13 ($95.00 on eBay) and a paper cup with $50.00 bucks rolled up in it. I threw half of the unit away and still made $600.00 bucks, not bad for a funky unit!

I was speaking with one the great people who bought my book (you buy my book you are the shit!) and he referenced a family of six that came to every auction and watched him like a hawk. He told me they recounted every unit he had bought for the last six months with great accuracy. Often inquiring how well he did financially on each unit.

He was a little spooked, they were like auction Nazis and many people did not like them. For some reason they adopted him and kinda sorta schooled him. I told him they were concerned because they could not read him, so the get all in his business they befriended him.

This was a true case of keeping your enemy close at hand to gain important insights on how that person operates his business. The Clampetts did the same thing to me. I gave him a quick primer on auction subterfuge techniques, because they were in no shape, fashion nor form his friends. A sleeping snake can awake at a moments notice and bite you in the ass!

At this point I had tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing so hard. It still amazes me that the auction culture is so similar from state to state. That was a concern, I had writing the book. However, many grateful customers alleviated those fears; the knowledge works pretty much anywhere because auction people exhibit the same traits regardless of geographical location.

I told him we have a similar family here in the metro Atlanta area. I nicknamed this clan “The Clampetts” except the Beverly Hill Billy’s had more “couth”. The name stuck and for many of us it was an inside joke which went on for years. Everyone has a nickname at the auctions (you may not know it but you do) mine was “Lucky” from the unit in Conyers.

Ma Clampett was about 4’11 due to the severe curvature of the spine, Elly May showed early evidence that the same fate would befall her later in life. (Maybe this is why Elly May was mean as hell) Ma Clampett was also a squint eyed, foul mouth, highly unattractive troll that loved being the center of attention (in the beginning we could not stand each other, later we move to tolerating each other).

Pa Clampett was one of the smallest men I ever known, if he was one hundred and twenty pounds I would be surprised. A Mason with a hound dog look about himself with a frock of silver hair. He did have a youthful appearance that belied he was on the north side of sixty, he was a funny dude. Think of your favorite uncle who is admonishing you for some misdeed but is handing you candy behind his back. This was Pa Clampett.

He was always talking trash and starting stuff, for the most part he was a good fella, things only got out of had when the trolls showed up. Elly May did not like me nor did I care for her evil, sneaky ass. If she was at a auction I knew she was going to bid against me. Early on, when I did not know the game it was like why?

Then the dark side said “fuck it”, let the war begin. For about three years we went at each other. Emily May ran me up on a great unit on North Side Drive to the tune of $1500.00 which if she was not there I would have gotten it for $500.00 but it was a great unit and I made sure she got third party information on what she lost out on, yes I was that dude.

Elly May could have been a nice person, but the apple does not fall far from the tree. With Ma Clampett as a guiding force she had not choice but to be a rat. The other daughter was an outcast of sorts, she was nice! Elly Ma was on the slim side with dark, hair and eyes that made everyone that met here voice the same sentiment “I just don’t trust that chic”

Elly May’s husband was actually quite nice and smart ( a Boston University Grad) he was about 6 “7 and looked like Baby Huey he was the Jertho Bodine of the clan in looks, call it the reverse idiot savant syndrome.

He did not really come out that much; he helped with the loading of the units. After I got my business up and running, they started backing off, as a store owner I knew exactly where to hurt them and I did hurt them for a minute, it cost me some loot short term but long term I saved a lot of money because the harassment ended. Call it the balance of power.

The End